It seems that a natural consequence of maturation is the development of a tendency to express gratitude. Such expressions are appreciated by nearly all with any good sense. Unfortunately, both the enthusiasm with which gratitude is expressed and the frequency of such expressions do seem to be commonly lacking, as far as I can tell. I have hence often wondered what causes this lack, as have many and maybe all.

Why do I speak and act in this way of mine? I attempt quite enthusiastically, perhaps rather vehemently, to express myself at no one’s expense. It is a frequent goal of mine to establish comfort amongst all others in any given setting. Yet, in doing so, it seems that I may have at times behaved counterproductively. Of course, this is to be expected. That anyone would avoid mistakes entirely is unlikely. I do wonder though what might need amelioration. It may only be the intensity of my words which causes some discomfort – though they are spoken with the opposite intentions, to be sure. I wonder whether I am primarily to blame for what unease I cause. With any interaction, implication and interpretation are both considerable. Nevertheless, I feel that pervasive desire to further refine my choice of words, as though the fault is mine alone.

I hope not to seem ignorant of the mentalities of those around me. Rather, it is the consideration thereof which prompts such thoughts as these. I see others quite willing and resigned to isolate and toil desperately in silence amongst still others of the same habit. I understand and agree that silent solitude is preferable at times, in various allotments. However, when company is unavoidable, I see no utility in remaining separate, yet not many strive to establish comfortable familiarity. Perhaps my efforts are too intense. I certainly do take a forceful approach when attempting to breach defenses. My attempts to be humorous are frequent, though not always successful and likely sometimes distasteful. My attempts to be helpful are zealous, though not always wanted or needed. Lest it seem that I am claiming without proof to be virtuous, I mean now to suggest that I am not as wise as I would need to be in order to avoid the imprudence to which I allude.

How might I need to change? It is foolish to suppose that nothing about oneself needs changing. Only, it is foolish to change that which was not flawed. So, I struggle to figure what now is worthwhile to change about me. That is not to say it is difficult to find a flaw with myself. Rather, it is difficult to know which could be the cause of the current predicament. I suppose I need to think for a bit longer, or more carefully. Worry does cloud my judgment. I’ll try to relax for a while. I do, however, want to avoid the common conclusion that this is not my burden to bear. I am in fine form to adopt these responsibilities, so I will. I just hope others agree with the goal, else my effort is entirely misplaced.