Here’s an interesting question: is the 20 year-old lady who looks no older than 15 more sexually attractive than the 15 year-old who looks as though she might be 20? The answer is not entirely obvious and even less important. Here’s some interesting facts: some guys want desperately to have sex with the neighbors’ seven-year-old daughter; some fellas sport an erection at the thought of drowning Phil from work; personally, I just like pretty brunette girls with a little more heft in their lower half than their upper half, if you catch my drift. If I’m being more honest, I like when someone likes me, and if I’m being completely honest, I like when someone truly loves, admires, or respects me. That doesn’t sound so bad, but maybe I can convince you that it might be. I like when someone loves me regardless of whether or not I even respect them. Narcissism? In short, no, but I don’t think the majority of you will readily believe that. It is not that I disregard or don’t recognize the feelings of the people I’ve hurt. I feel the guilt and the shame. It doesn’t cripple me quite like it used to, but it’s there. Likewise, I haven’t been able to recognize any feelings of exaggerated self importance or entitlement, but maybe they are just really sneaky in my subconscious. I don’t think that’s likely, based on my experience with therapy and introspection, but I’ll give anything a maybe. Anyway, it seems, based on the way I started this, that I also have somewhat of a fixation on sex. It seems that way, but it is not that way. I just chose a pretty understandable example of taboo shit to write about because dark desires, the type people don’t say out loud, are pretty harmlessly generalized using sex. I don’t know that my desires are incredibly comparable to the examples I gave, but I think we’d all be surprised by just how dark our desires are if we could only be honest with ourselves about them. What does your significant other really want to do to you? with you? behind your back? What do strangers in passing think as they glance over at you? It seems now like I’m trying to inspire paranoia, but that’s not the case either. Rather, what was the first thing that came to mind when you considered those questions? Maybe that’s the thing you’re most afraid of becoming reality. Maybe it’s your own darkest desire. Maybe those two things aren’t incredibly different.

On a rather different note, this only acknowledges the possible existence of some dark desire(s) within a person, within everyone, probably. How do we go about talking about them? Should we talk about them? Therapy exists in part for these sorts of questions, but should they be considered taboo to talk about outside of the context of therapy? On one hand, it could be a freeing practice. People might not feel so excluded, the ones with truly questionable fantasies. This requires an incredibly understanding audience, of course, but it might be the case that people wouldn’t need to be so judgmental if they did not feel excluded themselves. However, sharing dark desires could inspire such desires in other less civilized, more sheltered people. Offense may also be taken by the audience should you express an interest in potentially harmful activities of which they may have been victims. Honestly, I say it is at the very least interesting not to limit yourself regarding what you’re willing to talk about, and interest sometimes implies meaning. That’s why I will talk about anything. I will answer any question, and I will do my very human best not to become offended or hostile in the pursuit of understanding.